Recreating the village in the cyber jungle

When I saw the prior post from team member Donna Steinhorn it gave me the warm fuzzies - my buddies are out there making the world safe for coaching and democrazy (I promise you that was a type-o and it was so funny once I saw it I decided to leave it in). 

A certified loner by nature (it's true - I could show you the certificate... IF I ever invited anyone over my house) it perplexes me no end to feel such a warm connection to colleagues.  So what's the deal?  Have too many years of lonely headset wearing finally turned me soft and desperate for friends?  Or is there something funny in the strangely-colored drinks Dave's serving up at the Clearview? (Hey, don't laugh, that would explain a lot).

Despite the appeal of those explanations, it's actually simpler than that.  And it points to a commentary on the work we do with our clients, our place in raising human consciousness and the condition of the human spirit (yes, and I'll wrap these all in in 1000 words or less - you should have seen some of my college Shakespeare papers).

First, we need friends.  This is not just some warm-fuzzy new age concept - it is a biological need. Marla Paul, author of The Friendship Crisis, points to the importance of maintaining relationships that involve confiding, sharing thoughts and ideas and feeling a sense of community.  Interestingly, she refers to research that confirms the common wisdom that if you want a supportive friend, you'd better find yourself one without a Y chromosome:

Men need friendships, too. But the research shows that women are much more soothing and comforting than men. One study placed women and men in stressful situations and it found that people who were placed with a woman had lower stress level than people who were with a man. I think women tend to be better listeners; they don't try to fix things the way men do. And for many men, their best friends tend to be their wives. Men don't seem to be as comfortable sharing emotional intimacy with each other.

Marla Paul, The Friendship Crisis

Of course most of the male coaches I meet are extraordinary friends and listeners, opening up the discussion as to what is truly innate and what is cultural.  Is listening really a feminine domain?  As I delve into knowledge about the masculine and feminine in its "raw" archetypal state, I question not only feminism's attempt to imbue us all with equal amounts of testosterone (and you're talking to a long-time feminist here, all the way back to my Women's Studies minor days) but also our culture's desire to define the feminine and the masculine in two-dimension "this is how it always is" types of ways.

Be it a feminine or masculine trait (and I propose here that it is a human one), cultivating good friendship is not only good for having someone to hang out with on Saturday, it's critical to your health.  Increasingly studies indicate that a strong social network can be responsible for lowering risk of disease and of helping recover after an illness.  An example:

In Alameda County, California, 4,775 residents underwent a 9-year follow-up (102). The investigators found that (1) married persons, (2) those with several close family members, friends, or both, and (3) those with church membership or other group affiliations had half the mortality from ischemic heart disease as those without such social resources, even after adjustments of the findings were made for conventional coronary risk factors. (Read more about social support and heart disease here - study details are there as well).

So what does this all have to do with coaching?  Well, a couple of things.  First, strong group affiliation is something that's almost hard-wired into us - we need it to be our best selves.  Modern life makes it very easy to live in your own box, apart from everyone and everything, unlike the communal life of our ancestors.  Working from home can be very isolating so it's critical to keep connected.  With the advent of the internet, we are finding new ways of building villages.  The jury is still out as to whether this "virtual reality" can provide the complete communal experience.  I've been on teleclasses where it comes pretty darn close, but I also like to be able to reach out after a good conversation and give a warm hug or share a smile.

In addition to that, keeping the need for a web of human support in mind is critical to our work with our clients.  It's one of the things I find so exciting about CoachVille's Personal Environments work, this acknowledgement of the need to create environments that go so far beyond houseplants and good lighting.  Building environments that not only support you but also inspire you and uplift you is critical to achieving the goals you set for yourself.  The people you have around you are as important as the quality of the air you breathe.

Which brings me back to the warm fuzzies I got when I read about the CV team.  Because I HAVE a strong social network - friends that have hung around me since my frizzed out, rosary-wearing, Madonna-wanna-be 80's high school days, great support from my family, an extended social network of friends and neighbors (Not bad for a certified loner). So what is so compelling about this particular group?

The answer can be found within the shared mission we have - and it's where so many coaches "fall down."  Running your own business can rob you of the feeling of shared accomplishment (and shared burden) that is so satisfying in the human experience.  This group shares the vision that I have - that coaching can change the world - and is out there day and night working to make it happen.  And there's just something warm and fuzzy about that!

So if you're reading this knowing you don't have that feeling and that you want it - what do you do?  You can join our revolution, and so many of you have.  (It's awesome!)  You can start your own.  Build your group around a shared passion and feel the surge of energy that comes from doing work you love and sharing it with other equally committed people. 

And let us know about it.  Shared passion is an inspiring thing.